Toastie ‘97

8:10PM

I could have written last night, but then my hours of sleep risked being greatly diminished. In a way, it’s good that I didn’t write, because I’m tired of trying to explain my waffling back in forth as to whether I feel I can stay in this room or if I need to move to West. (8:30) Dad just called, and I had to explain to him everything I was going to write in here.

Basically, I’ve got a loft unassembled in this room, because I can’t put it up if I don’t know where I’m going to live. I finally talked to my roommates yesterday, and they seemed to understand my needs, but I just don’t think it will work, still. Mom will not pay another $1800 for my room. I called financial aid this morning, but the director won’t be in until Friday afternoon. If I get a letter from the shrinks I see tomorrow and if I get a letter from Dr. Weber, I have a chance of getting some more financial aid if I move to the single. And that chance is the only thing on my mind right now.

I just don’t feel like writing anything else right now…

10:20PM

Tonight I heard the pro-West view from Dad, and I just talked to my R.A. Rich and got the pro-Trent G view. I suppose that right now the conflict is at a standstill. Rich really thinks I should stay and will be alright if I do stay. Dad thinks I should definitely get out if I can. I just want to be able to come to a complete decision. I think I’m siding with staying here after talking to Rich. It’s helpful to know that he’s aware of my problems. But my psychiatric evaluation, or whatever I’m having done tomorrow, may alter my view again, as I’m sure the events of the rest of the night will as well.

Around 8:45, I went against my better judgement and called Susan. I had briefly talked to her last night, but it wasn’t a very personal conversation, and I left thinking that I really would be better off not seeing her too much. But I called, and I just wanted to ask her how she was doing, and she told me she was sick. And before she could say anything else, her parents called, and she said she’d call me back. She didn’t call me back until I was in Rich’s room. Her message said not to call past 10:15 or 10:30, because she’s going to sleep then. I called at 10:15, but I had to leave a message. I half-sincerely said she didn’t have to call me back, and she hasn’t so far, so I shouldn’t hope that she will, but I do.

“Les Miserables” is playing in Raleigh next month, and I’d love to go. Who could I go with, though? Only one person comes to mind, and that’s the person who it is hardest to ask.

Enough writing for now. I won’t get any work done tonight. I hope I can just get a good night’s sleep, though…