Monday, October 11, 1993

8:00PM

I’ve recounted the events of the last couple of days (well, particularly of last night) to a couple of people already, so I don’t feel like writing anything in here. All I will write is that I’m still in pieces, and I’m more sure than ever that my friendship with Susan has reached its conclusion…

9:30PM

Actually, how much is there to recount? I gave her a note (a sonnet) telling her I was going to kill myself. She apparently couldn’t handle it and couldn’t respond. And she hasn’t to this point.

There’s a lot more to the story, involving Renee from UNC and involving Natalie, but the basic gist is that I have finally done something that has resulted in the fact that things are irreparable with Susan. And I’ve finally reached a point where I can go into Susan-withdrawal without expecting her to give me any kind of response. I’m not sure how this compares to one of the many Kirsten-withdrawals I’ve tried to live through. I do know that I seriously cannot see myself trying to communicate with Susan until perhaps Thursday night, which would be the night before fall break. Of course, I wish she would come talk to me, but I’m not going to do anything to make her do that. I’m not sure if playing “Goodbye” by Air Supply is helping me, but not much really could.

Kidney problems, emotional problems, problems with my classes. I’ve got an appointment with my academic dean tomorrow morning, so I’ll see if the administration will help me at all or just tell me to get myself straightened out or else.