Toastie ‘97

2:35PM

Last night, I basically walked around crushed by my feelings for Susan. Speaking to Natalie around 3:30AM and hearing her say that I was wrong in thinking that Susan thought I was seeing her too much didn’t make me feel that much better. I had hoped that Natalie might say something encouraging. I wanted to go back to my room around 3:30, but I found Michael and about a dozen other people in my room. Last night just sucked. It sickened me a little to witness what became of some people on my floor after they returned from kegs. I have no time to write about a lot now, though. Perhaps I’ll write a UWC journal entry about drinking later.

I wrote Susan a letter around 5AM and put it under her door. It expressed my worry that I was hanging around with her too much. I went to bed soon after, and I woke up at 10:30. Oh, and I talked to Larry for about an hour at around 4AM. Anyway, I did one minor assignment this morning, but I’ve go so much other stuff to do. I think I may have a house council meeting tonight. I have to return Susan’s psychology book to her. I had borrowed it to do an assignment for my UWC class. Her door was closed a little while ago.

I’ve got to start doing some work now.

3:20PM

I can’t get anything done. Awhile ago, I returned Susan’s book. I knocked on the door, and Susan said, “Dave?” but then no one said anything, and two minutes later, her roommate Felicia opened the door and said that they had both just taken showers. I just gave her the book and left, feeling like Susan really didn’t want me there.

So I can feel my broken heart. And I can feel pain in my kidneys, which has conveniently returned just when I need it the least. I cannot deal with the combination of those two ailments. I don’t see myself going to see Susan today. I just can’t bring myself to do it. I just can’t bring myself to do anything…

12:10AM

I just about hit rock bottom this afternoon before making a recovery with the help of Susan. I’d rather go to sleep now than write. I’m very sad now because Susan’s probably going home tomorrow. I’ve got to write her one more letter now.

2 My third full week here begins tomorrow. Things really aren’t getting any easier…