Toastie ‘97

1:20AM

Today was such a long day. So much has been happening that I just don’t know where to being, and I really don’t feel like beginning anywhere. Right now, I just want to say that I was completely wired tonight. I was drunk off nothing, perhaps Dr. Pepper. I just went in every girls’ room (almost every) on the floor and bothered whoever was in the room. Why was I in such a strange mood? I can’t explain now. Too much going on. I may have time to write tomorrow, but I doubt it. I think I’ll make a list of things that I should be writing about now that I’ll try to get to tomorrow:

Susan. Oh, I should write about what’s been happening with her. Last night, her roommate Felicia delivered to me a letter from Susan, and it was such a great letter to read. I made Craig come outside with me so I could read it in peace. Here it is:

Dear Dave,
I can’t tell you how much it means to me to get a letter like yours. Of course I don’t hate you! It was far from pathetic- I wish all guys could be as honest and have the courage to write letters like the one I just read from you. It was so nice to read all of the positive things you had to say about me- &, despite what you assumed, you have not lost your chance to be just friends with me even after writing how you feel. In fact, all of this just makes me want to be friends with you more. However, I don’t think I want to be involved in anything more than a friendship. This is just a decision I made for myself before leaving for college- I just decided that I don’t want to be attached to a boyfriend (at least not for a while.) So to answer your question, there are plenty of guys here who I can talk to and who I like. I need all of them as my friends, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t love one more. Please don’t be angry with me because of this decision. Depending on how life goes, with time my decisions are bound to change. At this point I don’t know when, with whom, or why. But right now this is the way I feel, and if your offer about needing a friend still holds true, I’d love to take you up on it.
Let me known if this is OK, & thank you so much for telling me how you feel.
Love,
Susan

It goes without saying that nobody I’ve ever written a letter to has responded like Susan did. I was so surprised, and so happy to read this letter. Susan gave me complete honesty. In a million years I would not have imagined that she’d just want to go out with me. I didn’t ask her out. She seemed genuinely touched by my feelings. She invited me to be her friend. No one- not Kirsten or Mandy or Tami or Dana or Heather or Jackie or anyone- has ever cared to say what Susan said.

Anyway, later on last night, I went by Susan’s room and found a not which said that she was at the infirmary for the night. That made me feel bad for her. Meanwhile, I was so exhausted. I meant to do so much work last night. I did none, and I fell asleep without realizing that I wouldn’t wake up until 5AM.

When I woke up at 5AM, I wanted to do some work that was due for the day. But my mind was on Susan, and on writing her another letter, which I’d drop off at the infirmary in the hospital. So I spent almost an hour writing her another note. I thanked her for her note and told her that I understood everything she was saying. I told her that I really just need a friend, too. I also told her that I have never had a girlfriend.

I just didn’t have time to do any work, because I had to get ready so that I could go to the hospital and still catch the bus to East. I dropped the note off with a nurse at the infirmary and caught the bus.

My classes were rough, because I realized just how much work I’m making myself have by not getting any done. I had my four classes, and then I had my computer science lab back at West. So I was just about in classes all day.

When I finally got to check my mail, I was surprised to find a letter from Kirsten. She responded to my postcard. Kirsten wasn’t very emotional, as usual, but she did tell me that she was having a lot of fun, and told me to please write her back soon. I think I will write her rather than call.
I’ve talked to Larry many, many times already, and our conversations are not worth summarizing.

Susan is still in the infirmary tonight. I planned to do a lot of work tonight. I did very, very little. Instead, I wandered the hallways, going into rooms (mostly girls’) and saying whatever was on my mind. I think most people like me here.

I carried my philosophy book around for hours without reading anything. I wound up having a very long conversation with a girl from North Carolina who’s on this floor. I forgot her name! We had a deep talk about coming to college and everything we’re facing.

All of my contemplation tonight led me to the conclusion that I should drop my weight-training, and I’m going to do that. I just can’t handle something that I’m really not that enthusiastic about.

I’m very tired now, so I’ll write sometime tomorrow.