Toastie ‘97

11:55AM

The surprisingly decent mood I found myself in last night was washed away when Michael came back to the room. I was trying to sleep, and he had to be so fucking loud. (I’ll use expletives, because I’m really pissed.) He showed absolutely no consideration for me as he talked to whatever people he had brought back to the room. He was probably pissed that he couldn’t have them all hang out here because of me. At one point, he was looking for something and couldn’t find it, and he blamed it on me having rearranged the room, which is complete bullshit. I wanted to yell out, “Fuck you, and why don’t you get the fuck out of the here.” But I know that creating an incident with Michael is not in my best interest, as illustrated earlier in the week with answering machine mess. I think everyone left the room after a couple of minutes, but then I was woken up about an hour later by my roommate’s return. (I did not give any signs that I was not asleep.)

I’m left wondering why I am so damn considerate. Why do I try to be quiet when Michael’s asleep in here? He seems pissed when I’ve get him up during the week typing in here at 2AM or something.

Last night, Michael’s girlfriend Hannah from home called twice wanting to speak to Michael. She told me that she’s going to surprise him here Friday night. Hannah sounds so sweet on the phone, so it makes me sick that she’s going out with my asshole of a roommate. (My asshole of a roommate is still here, sleeping or at least trying to sleep despite the loud racket of my typing.)

I’m sure that Michael is just as unhappy with me as I am with him. I’m so tired of being known as “Big Dave,” like they (Michael, Tyler, Asher) really think I’m so cool. This past summer wasn’t exactly great, but at least I think I learned that the likes of Larry, Steven, Aaron, Tim, Jeffrey, etc. really did respect me. I’ve gained the respect of a couple of the guys in the dorm, like Craig, Gary, and Nate, but I can tell I’m just a joke to Michael, Tyler, Asher, and some of the other guys.

9:05PM

Right now, I don’t hold all of the opinions I held this morning. I think I just had a lot of frustration to let out, and it’s gone for now.

Michael worked on building a loft today, and I went to watch some NFL football and then to the Perkins Library to get some work done. It started pouring while I was at the library, and it took me awhile after I was ready to leave before I decided that it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world to get soaked going back to my car, which was parked a considerable distance from Perkins. I watched the Giants win their first game back here at Trent. Michael finished his loft, and he left a little while ago to go to Perkins himself to do some work. He won’t be back for a few hours, so I’ve got time to get some work done. I have to work on my culture journal for my UWC (writing) class. I made wind up pulling a lot of stuff out of this journal or copying some of my culture journal stuff into here.

I would’ve been writing in here about twenty minutes ago, but Jamie Thoreau called. She just got back from home in Roanoke, and we talked about our weekend. I’ve got a friend in Jamie, and I think I can count on her, and that’s good to know.

Susan was sick today and went to the infirmary. I broke my heart to see her feeling bad, and I told her I hoped she felt better, which she seemed to appreciate.

Elise told me today how she spent the afternoon at the mall with her boyfriend. Whatever. I don’t know what to think about this. I wouldn’t be surprised if Susan had a boyfriend, or if Rachel did, or if every girl at Duke does.

I should stop writing now and get some work done.

11:10PM

Michael isn’t back yet, so now would probably be a good time to write one last time for the night. I just finished writing an entry for my culture journal for UWC. I wrote about the late-night TV wars. No big deal. I don’t feel like writing another entry. My teacher said that our first paper could count as a journal entry.

So I think I’ll just relax for the rest of the night. Second full week at Duke begins tomorrow. I’m sure it will be eventful. I’m sure I’ll have more ups and downs. I’m sure there will be at least a few girls on my mind. I’m sure I’ll have some rough spots with my roommate. I’m sure it won’t be that easy to get a job. But everything will be okay (eventually.)

1:30AM

Still awake, but not for long. I seem to find more energy around midnight. I walked around the floor and talked to some people whom I had never really talked to before. I told a couple of people about Susan, although I had contradicting the fact that I always feel bad that everyone knows that I like a girl before the girl does. But I feel better talking to people and looking for advice. And since I don’t know how to get her to know how I feel, I somehow hope she’ll find out through someone else, although then there’s the risk that she’ll misinterrupt exactly how I feel. I would’ve said good night to Susan, but her door was closed. Earlier, I had seen her with John, and my heart broke, but I tried not to think about that when I went by her room. I had written her a note on her board telling her that I hoped she felt better. I changed that note tonight to, “I really, really hope you really feel really, really better.” Sounds very stupid, but maybe it will get some point across to her.

I’ve got my four classes tomorrow. I’ve got be up in five hours. I hope my alarm works.