Friday, September 3, 1993

3:15AM

I feel like such major shit right now, and I don’t mean just because I have a decent-sized hangover. I feel all alone. I feel like I’m in conflict with myself. I don’t know what to do. I know I don’t feel like writing though (so why did I bother now?)

4:40AM

Dear Susan,

I hate writing this letter to you right now. I know reading this is probably the last thing you want to be doing. To apologize for writing this would be futile, because I could easily avoid making you uncomfortable by simply not writing this and leaving you alone. But I’m selfish, and I need to write this letter to you so that maybe I’ll stop destroying myself. So I just hope you can forgive me and not hate me. I don’t want to upset you. I swear that I don’t.

What I’m about to say will probably seem pretty stupid to you. I doubt that anyone else ever had to write you a pathetic letter like this one. And I’m sure you didn’t imagine receiving a note like this, especially only ten days after getting to college. I guess I should try to get to my point, because I’m probably not making you any happier by writing more for you to read.

Susan, I really like you a lot. You’re so sweet. You’re so beautiful. And I have no idea how to explain that I think you’re special without you thinking that I don’t even know you and can’t possibly care so much for you given that fact. And I can only imagine that you’re thinking that having a guy who barely knows you liking you so much is the last thing you need to deal with in your first month at college.

I know that there’s nothing you can probably say to me. I know I’ve just lost any chance of ever just being friends with you. I know what a fool I am. I can’t help it. I really am sorry.

By the way, you now know what was wrong with me a few nights ago. I knew back then that I just liked you too much, and that I should just leave you alone. You should be having a great time at college right now, and I don’t know want to do anything to mess that up.

Anyway, I’m sure you’ve made a lot of friends already, and so I’m sure you don’t need me. I know this probably sounds very stupid for me to say, but I’m here if you ever need a friend. I promise.

Love Always,

Dave

I was bound to happen sooner or later. I wrote “the letter.” I don’t know when delivery will be. I think I’ll go to sleep now, and maybe I’ll explain today tomorrow…